"Waiting for
our baby ‘gull"
Being in a same-sex relationship, my wife and I always knew that we would need the help of a third-party to achieve our goal of having a child together. So, like all the other challenges we’ve tackled in the over a decade of being a couple, we embarked upon this quest with a plan and a positive attitude. I have always wanted to be pregnant and decided to carry our child - using my eggs and an anonymous sperm donor. In the spring of 2011, we embarked on the lesbian equivalent of “throwing out the birth control pills” – we went in for our first IUI.
Being in a same-sex relationship, my wife and I always knew that we would need the help of a third-party to achieve our goal of having a child together. So, like all the other challenges we’ve tackled in the over a decade of being a couple, we embarked upon this quest with a plan and a positive attitude. I have always wanted to be pregnant and decided to carry our child - using my eggs and an anonymous sperm donor. In the spring of 2011, we embarked on the lesbian equivalent of “throwing out the birth control pills” – we went in for our first IUI.
I
was excited, nervous and hopeful. I thought my BFP would show up after a few
tries – I felt like we were already ahead of the game starting with IUIs and I
kept hearing stories about other same-sex couples who were doing at-home
inseminations and got pg or got pg after their first IUI at the doctor’s
office. We were going to be one of those stories, I thought smugly.
Unfortunately, we turned out to be another type of story. Trying to keep costs down (we were paying completely Out of Pocket, which we still are), we opted for no monitoring (i.e. ultrasounds) or medication – rather I went the OPK/temping/fingers-crossing route. For six months of IUIs. By the end of those six months our bank account was shockingly low despite our cost-saving techniques, we were both frazzled and the only thing we had to show for it was a long line of BFNs.
We decided to stack the deck a little more in our favor and did two rounds of Clomid with monitoring as well as back-to-back IUIs per cycle. I also started going on progesterone suppositories post-IUI for (a mostly self-diagnosed) short(er) Luteal Phase issue. Even though I responded well to Clomid, we were still getting BFNs as 2011 slipped into 2012.
Unfortunately, we turned out to be another type of story. Trying to keep costs down (we were paying completely Out of Pocket, which we still are), we opted for no monitoring (i.e. ultrasounds) or medication – rather I went the OPK/temping/fingers-crossing route. For six months of IUIs. By the end of those six months our bank account was shockingly low despite our cost-saving techniques, we were both frazzled and the only thing we had to show for it was a long line of BFNs.
We decided to stack the deck a little more in our favor and did two rounds of Clomid with monitoring as well as back-to-back IUIs per cycle. I also started going on progesterone suppositories post-IUI for (a mostly self-diagnosed) short(er) Luteal Phase issue. Even though I responded well to Clomid, we were still getting BFNs as 2011 slipped into 2012.
Finally,
I read the writing on the wall and went in for a round of infertility testing –
the one thing that was (albeit only 50%) covered by our insurance. Everything
turned out “normal” – except my AMH was .67. I had just turned 31 years old
three days before the test results and was thus was diagnosed with Diminished
Ovarian Reserve. Our RE recommended IVF as soon as possible, as she couldn’t
predict if my levels would stay the same or continue to spiral downward.
At
first, I was shocked and confused. How could I have DOR? I am healthy! I ran
half-marathons! I did yoga! I don’t smoke or drink excessively or eat fast
food! But, like everyone in the IF world knows, it doesn’t matter – IF is
random and strikes people of all ages and walks of life. I just happened to draw
the short straw.
(Oh,
also, as if IF wasn’t enough to deal with - around the time of my diagnosis my
wife got a new job that requires her to be 3,000 miles for 6 months of
training. And a close family member passed away about 6 months into our TTC
process so the impact of that loss was still coloring many things in our lives.)
Despite
all of this, our desire to have a baby was still within us – in fact, it was
growing stronger every day. We decided to press forward. I started going to
acupuncture and taking supplements and vitamins and we made plans for a
Aug/Sept IVF. And, slowly, I began to wrap my head around that I was going to
be one of “those people” who had to undergo IVF. That our “plan” on how we
envisioned creating our family was going to shift. That we would have to dig
deeper and make even more sacrifices for our dream.
And
I found out that was ok.
So
here I am, starting my stims on August 18, 2012. My wife still has three months
of her training left so I have rallied my baby-making troops (close friends and
my mom) to be her stand-in during this time. I am excited, nervous and hopeful.
But I am no longer smug. As hard as IF has been, and continues to be, it has
given me a greater appreciation of life, parenthood and children; a deeper connection
in my relationship, with myself and my friends and family; and has been a
humbling experience. Some days I am able
to find peace in this journey; other days I wail at the sky in anger and
frustration; and some days it just sucks.
I’m sure everyone else going through IF can relate.
We
are completely out of pocket for this IVF and my credit card bill is already
starting to scare me. My protocol and meds needs are below – if anybody out
there has meds they would like to donate to me, I would truly appreciate it.
Thank
you and best of luck wherever you are on your fertility journey.
Bump Name: Seagull
Bump Name: Seagull
