Determined program participant’s wish!

 

I’m Karen, but you may know me as “sheetskr”. I’m relatively new to the TTTC board, though no newbie to TTTC. It has been four years now since my husband and I cheerfully traded birth control for wedding vows. Our story is not unusual for those of us with infertility. In our efforts to start a family, we predictably progressed from “not not trying” to “trying” to “WTH?” to more profanity of an inquisitive nature. Along the way, we sought medical answers and continued to hear all was normal until we finally found an OB who believed my assertion that my menstrual pain was excessive.

My first surgery revealed stage III endometriosis, with endometriomas on both ovaries. The pictures looked messy, like someone took a spray bottle of blood to all my major pelvic organs, including my uterus, colon and bladder. I worked with the same OB for a year, with cycles of both Femara and Clomid pre- and post-laparascopy with no success.  All the while, I continued to experience a pain on my left side, a constant reminder something was awry.

We then switched to a RE who tested my AMH and found my ovarian reserve in the “undetectable” range at <.16. I have yet to meet anyone else with such an ominous AMH level, a measure of egg quantity and quality. The doctor felt my eggs were compromised from years of suffering from an undiagnosed and progressing disease. Refusing to give up hope, our RE wanted to see how well I stimulated on injectables. My first IUI produced but a single follicle, and the ultrasound revealed what appeared to be a refilled endometrioma on my left ovary.

Instantly, the pain of it all hit me. I sobbed on the exam table. I cried like the baby I so desperately wanted, yelling at the doctor she couldn’t possibly understand about infertility. To my surprise and embarrassment, she shouted right back she had the same diagnosis and two egg donor children of her own. Upon collecting myself, we decided on more surgery to first address the endometrioma.

I write this from my recovery bed. I can tell you I have no active endometriosis, but a pelvis full of scarring adhesions, my body’s way of healing from the first surgery. My left ovary was stuck to my abdomen and my left tube and bladder to my uterus. It is Christmastime, and instead of sugar plums my visions are of sweet little follicles plummeting to their death. But that’s all in the past now. With my lady parts back in order, I am ready to try again.

The plan is to try one more round of IUI starting next cycle to determine my dosage and eligibility for IVF. My next assisted cycle will be IVF, with my own eggs or a donor’s, depending on the outcome of this stimulated cycle. I do not have the audacity to ask another woman on this earth to be my egg donor, so I’ll be leaving that part up to the agency. I can ask for help with medications for IVF, as we are out of pocket for fertility treatments. Thank you for all the remarkable people who continually support each other through this tiresome journey, whether emotionally or financially. Every day I am humbled and filled with gratitude by the support of those in my daily life and online who can only be called friends.